The alarm goes off at seven o'clock, it's Friday morning. Yesterday feels as though it was a dream, or a nightmare to be more exact. Either way, Thursday feels like an imaginary concept slowly sinking into some transdimensional void. Unfortunately this feeling fades during the time it takes me to shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and drink my morning coffee.
By now I'm fully awake I've remembered the daunting task I set my self last night, which means yesterday really did happen. Damn. Nervous would be an understatement, the situation had me terrified. Parachute jumping with out a parachute would evoke less fear. It occurred to me that technically I had the freedom not to go to the comic book shop this morning but technicalities can be deceiving. I suppose in essence I actually did want to go and see April today, perhaps on the off chance she might actually say yes. Perhaps I've developed a morbid curiosity to see how much suffering it takes before some decides that suicide would actually be a pleasant way to spend the afternoon.
While running through various things I might say to April when I see her, the neglected mug of coffee I'm holding spills its remaining contents on to my shirt and lap. Moment's like these reinforce my theory that the universe is conspiring against me, that somehow there's a balance that needs to be kept and my misery is somehow at the center of it all. After getting changed for the second time this morning, I leave the flat with the feeling that someone, somewhere is laughing at me.
As the shop appears in my vision, the anxiety I've been feeling multiplies a hundred times at least. Each step I take gets slower and slower until I'm standing still a few paces from building. After a couple of deep breaths I can feel my heart beat slowing down and the tethers of stress loosening. As my head starts to clear questions start to form in my mind, questions which start to fill me with vast amounts of dread. Before they get the chance to fully materialise I march straight to the door and step through.
Bursting through the door, a little more abruptly than I had anticipated, I'm welcomed by April's affectionate smile. “Hiya” she calls in a loud voice before looking back at what she was doing. After a few moments looks back up and frowns at me, this is because I've not said anything or even moved past the door. Other than my hasty entrance, I've not actually shown any signs that I'm an animate object.
Beads of sweat are forming on my forehead, there's a nervous twitch in my leg and my breathing has substantially quickened. These additional functions much be putting a huge strain on my body because my brain has switched itself off to compensate for the extra energy consumption. Nothing is all I'm capable of doing until I've recuperated enough energy to resume thinking. It's amazing what you take for granted until it's gone.
“Did you...I mean, I...erm... Hi.” The words blurt out of my mouth as my brain kick-starts itself. “Hi” she replies, apparently a little confused by my unusual entrance. The cash desk is a short distance from me and even in my feeble state I manage to reach it. In front of the cash desk I take a moment to compose myself into a rational manner. “Did I leave my bag here yesterday?”
“Oh yeah, you left it after you...I have it here.” She hands me the carrier bag. At least she avoided mentioning the incident, that means she taking the sympathetic approach. Even so, my skin is heating up and I think I'm blushing.
“Thanks, I was hoping I had.”
“No problem. Another long day at the office?”
“Yep, thank God its Friday.”
“Got anything nice planned for the weekend?”
“No, not really. I mean...I was wondering...” the words have gotten stuck somewhere, It takes a moment but they eventually find their way out. “Would you...Did you want to watch a film tonight? At the cinema...with me... Sorry.” Why did I say sorry? It's not like asking someone out is that offensive, is it? Calm down, your starting to panic again, just take another couple of breaths. My eye's are looking down at the floor while I await April's reply. Fortunately I don't have to wait long. “Sure" she says. "Did you want to meet me after work and we'll get a taxi or something?” The words come with no undercurrent of sarcasm or reluctance. In fact she sounds genuinely happy to accept my offer.
“I...”
“Sorry, Is that too early for you?”
“No, that's fine, prefect even. I'll see you about six?”
We quickly finish discussing our plans for tonight and I leave for work. Despite the whole ordeal going remarkably well I still feel nervous, but a different type of nervousness. There's no dark foreboding or incessant brooding like there was this morning, that's all gone. In its place is a mixture of excitement and uncertainty. The uncertainty comes from the events that transpired yesterday and the possibility of doing something of a similar nature tonight. It occurs to me that it is entirely possible that I could do something even worse, but I decide it's best if I don't dwell on it too long. Need to keep my self in a positive frame of mind.

*

I leave work a little early today. No-one seems to notice or care as I walk out, which is fine by me. I wonder if I could make this a regular thing. I have until six before I need to be at the shop. That should give me enough time to go home and get ready.