lee222

Chapter 4

2008-10-12T22:26:37+02:00

It's been a while since I've been early for anything, so long infact I'm starting to feel unsettled by it. I look at my watch again, 17:48. Twenty seconds since I last looked at it. The sky's starting to get dark, the winter nights are starting to return.
The lights in the shop are turned off, she must be in the back organising the paperwork or something. Unless she forgot we were going out and went home. No, I would have seen her as I was walking up, wouldn't I? Maybe. I don't know.
Every time I try and peer into the shop my face is reflected faintly in the glass. I can't make anything out through my translucent skin. I cup my hands over my eyes to try and shield out some of the light. Angling my head forwards only results in fogging the glass with my breathe.
Will she be leaving through the front or the back? What was it she said this morning? I can't recall her ever mentioning it, why didn't I think of asking? Maybe she got confused and thought we were meeting the cinema? What if I got confused and thought we were meeting here? No, I wouldn't have. I've been obsessing over this all day.
The back door must be somewhere down this side street. If I stand at the corner here I should be able to see her leaving from either exit. Maybe she was joking. What if all of this is part of a big joke she's pulling at my expense? All this time I thought she was caring and compassionate and all she was trying to do was hurt me. It's doubtful. I look at my watch again, it's not even six o'clock yet.
Standing on my own like this always makes be feel vulnerable. Everyone seems wary of me, standing here on my own. They stare are me as they walk by with cold, unfriendly eyes. Like on news, when they show a photo of a man arrested for killing a stranger in the street. A completely unprovoked attack, the victim was merely standing there, minding his own business.
It occurred to me that if something important came up, April would have had no way of contacting me. We didn't exchange phone numbers and not because I hadn't thought of it. Offering her my number would have risked breaking the cool, calm demeanour I was projecting. Say something had happened that required April's urgent attention, how long should I wait before leaving. Fifteen minutes? A couple of hours?
Having had limited contact with female company, television has been my greatest source of information. I've been led to believe that as a general rule, women are always late. I also understand that they are purposely late when they are eager to impress someone. I'm not saying that April feels the need to impress me, but it wouldn't work in my favour if she did and I wasn't here.
How late was 'Fashionabley Late'? All those years of education and they still missed out so much vital information. If I was a teacher, things would be different. No more algebra, no more chemistry. Instead children would learn why the weatherman should never be trusted, why other road users are always in the wrong and that vampires exist in today's society in the form of tax-men.
I exhale a long sigh of relief as I see April emerging from the shop's front door. I walk over to her and we exchange greetings.
“Sorry, had a problem with the till. It's always coming up with new ways of tormenting me. Been waiting long?”
“No, not really. Only just got here. Shall I call us a taxi?”
With Aprils affirmation I phone the number of a local taxi company. After giving them my name and location they inform me that one's on its way now. I stand next to April while we wait for the taxi to arrive. We both seem a little nervous so conversation is kept to a minimal. After a couple of minutes the taxi arrives.

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Chapter 3

2008-09-30T22:44:45+02:00

The alarm goes off at seven o'clock, it's Friday morning. Yesterday feels as though it was a dream, or a nightmare to be more exact. Either way, Thursday feels like an imaginary concept slowly sinking into some transdimensional void. Unfortunately this feeling fades during the time it takes me to shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and drink my morning coffee.
By now I'm fully awake I've remembered the daunting task I set my self last night, which means yesterday really did happen. Damn. Nervous would be an understatement, the situation had me terrified. Parachute jumping with out a parachute would evoke less fear. It occurred to me that technically I had the freedom not to go to the comic book shop this morning but technicalities can be deceiving. I suppose in essence I actually did want to go and see April today, perhaps on the off chance she might actually say yes. Perhaps I've developed a morbid curiosity to see how much suffering it takes before some decides that suicide would actually be a pleasant way to spend the afternoon.
While running through various things I might say to April when I see her, the neglected mug of coffee I'm holding spills its remaining contents on to my shirt and lap. Moment's like these reinforce my theory that the universe is conspiring against me, that somehow there's a balance that needs to be kept and my misery is somehow at the center of it all. After getting changed for the second time this morning, I leave the flat with the feeling that someone, somewhere is laughing at me.
As the shop appears in my vision, the anxiety I've been feeling multiplies a hundred times at least. Each step I take gets slower and slower until I'm standing still a few paces from building. After a couple of deep breaths I can feel my heart beat slowing down and the tethers of stress loosening. As my head starts to clear questions start to form in my mind, questions which start to fill me with vast amounts of dread. Before they get the chance to fully materialise I march straight to the door and step through.
Bursting through the door, a little more abruptly than I had anticipated, I'm welcomed by April's affectionate smile. “Hiya” she calls in a loud voice before looking back at what she was doing. After a few moments looks back up and frowns at me, this is because I've not said anything or even moved past the door. Other than my hasty entrance, I've not actually shown any signs that I'm an animate object.
Beads of sweat are forming on my forehead, there's a nervous twitch in my leg and my breathing has substantially quickened. These additional functions much be putting a huge strain on my body because my brain has switched itself off to compensate for the extra energy consumption. Nothing is all I'm capable of doing until I've recuperated enough energy to resume thinking. It's amazing what you take for granted until it's gone.
“Did you...I mean, I...erm... Hi.” The words blurt out of my mouth as my brain kick-starts itself. “Hi” she replies, apparently a little confused by my unusual entrance. The cash desk is a short distance from me and even in my feeble state I manage to reach it. In front of the cash desk I take a moment to compose myself into a rational manner. “Did I leave my bag here yesterday?”
“Oh yeah, you left it after you...I have it here.” She hands me the carrier bag. At least she avoided mentioning the incident, that means she taking the sympathetic approach. Even so, my skin is heating up and I think I'm blushing.
“Thanks, I was hoping I had.”
“No problem. Another long day at the office?”
“Yep, thank God its Friday.”
“Got anything nice planned for the weekend?”
“No, not really. I mean...I was wondering...” the words have gotten stuck somewhere, It takes a moment but they eventually find their way out. “Would you...Did you want to watch a film tonight? At the cinema...with me... Sorry.” Why did I say sorry? It's not like asking someone out is that offensive, is it? Calm down, your starting to panic again, just take another couple of breaths. My eye's are looking down at the floor while I await April's reply. Fortunately I don't have to wait long. “Sure" she says. "Did you want to meet me after work and we'll get a taxi or something?” The words come with no undercurrent of sarcasm or reluctance. In fact she sounds genuinely happy to accept my offer.
“I...”
“Sorry, Is that too early for you?”
“No, that's fine, prefect even. I'll see you about six?”
We quickly finish discussing our plans for tonight and I leave for work. Despite the whole ordeal going remarkably well I still feel nervous, but a different type of nervousness. There's no dark foreboding or incessant brooding like there was this morning, that's all gone. In its place is a mixture of excitement and uncertainty. The uncertainty comes from the events that transpired yesterday and the possibility of doing something of a similar nature tonight. It occurs to me that it is entirely possible that I could do something even worse, but I decide it's best if I don't dwell on it too long. Need to keep my self in a positive frame of mind.

I leave work a little early today. No-one seems to notice or care as I walk out, which is fine by me. I wonder if I could make this a regular thing. I have until six before I need to be at the shop. That should give me enough time to go home and get ready.

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Chapter 2

2008-09-29T11:04:03+02:00

It' five past nine, I've just reached the office and sat down at my desk. I switch on the computer. No-one has said anything about my being late, maybe they're getting used to it, was it them who rang? It's not important anymore, not after the spectacle I made of myself in front of April. Sigh. My inbox is full of work for me to do, information that needs to be processed into the system. I start typing in an effort to clear my head of anything relating to this morning.

People are starting to leave, guess it must be five o'clock. A glance at my watch confirms this so I turn off the computer and gather my belongings. Once I'm ready I head straight home. The memories of this morning have resurfaced more vivid than before, I spend the entire journey home reliving the same moment again and again.
Returning home is a great relief, hidden away from the world I can sulk and brood without any disturbances. My flat is modest in size, to say the least. It offers only the essential space required for someone to live in, which doesn't bother me and as it turns out I don't seem to need that much space anyway. Everything is usually kept clean and tidy except for a pile of books next to the sofa and a pile of DVD's near the DVD player.
I put on some music while I prepare a simple meal for myself. Once ready, I take the food with me to the sofa and put on the television. The music is still playing but that's okay, I'm not really watching the television, I don't even notice what programmes on. I just need enough distractions to keep me from my thoughts. After I've eaten I put the plate on the floor and grab the nearest comic book. Most of the time I'm just staring at the pages as my mind wanders between the book, music and whatever programme is on.
Eventually I go to bed but it's not easy getting to sleep. Questions always seem to be more imposing late at night, more demanding for answerers to questions that you haven't yet resolved. Such as, what am I going to do tomorrow morning? Should I proceed directly to work or visit the comic book shop? I'm pretty sure April is going to be there. I wonder what she'll say when I see her. Hmm, I suppose she wouldn't say anything, she's not that cruel. Even so, she'll be thinking it. If I was April what would I think? I don't know, its too late for this sort of thing. I just want to sleep. Everything starts to dissolve into nothingness until April's voice abruptly re-enters my head. "Have you ever.." the words appear over and over again. Have I ever what? Noticed how pretty she is? Yes. Wanted to ask her out? Yes. Thought about what cars will be like in a hundred years time? Well, yes but...Nevermind. This is hopeless, my mind can't cope with this. Fine, tomorrow I'll go back to the shop and ask her if she wants to go to the cinema. If she says no I'll just emigrate to somewhere remote, New Zealand or something. My thought's seem content with this and eventually I drift into a dreamless sleep.

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A short story I'm working on

2008-09-28T23:59:17+02:00

I'v decided to have a go at a short story as a way of trying to 'productively' use some free time. Here's the first installment, hopefully there'll more to come.

Death of a Hero
Chapter 1

Solace. There are few places left in the city where the noise and chaos is suppressed long enough for me to attain peace of mind. The local comic book shop is somewhere I visit often and conveniently it's only a short diversion from my route to work. Located a few minutes walk off the main high street, away from the crowds of people pushing and shoving their way to work, this cold, dark shop is always pleasantly quiet.
I'm in my early twenties now, an age which causes people to frown when they see you reading comic books. Especially if your also wearing a shirt and tie, carrying a brief case and travelling to what they can only assume is a fairly respectable job. Obviously they think that someone in my position should have more sense than to waste their money on childish entertainment. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, everyone escapes somehow. Everyone needs a way to forget the complexities of modern life, be it sports, films or books, no-one can cope with reality 24/7, its just not possible.
Despite all of this negative judgement, which I receive on a daily basis through the silent but sullen stares of passers-by, I have once again returned to the comic book shop where I have just finished another purchase. Its about half eight on Thursday morning and the till is currently printing the receipt for the books within the carrier bag I'm holding. April, the girl behind the cash desk, hands me the receipt with her usual cheery smile. She's been working here for a couple of weeks now and I try to stop by the shop whenever I know she's scheduled in. “So how's work going?” she asks as I fumble with the change and thin slip of paper. “Same as always I guess.” I manage to reply after wrestling the contents of my hand into my wallet. “That bad huh?” she says as her mouth forms a kindly smile. I half-heartedly chuckle while I secretly contemplate asking her if she would like to accompany me to the cinema tomorrow night. “You have no idea.”
“Yeah? well I've got it pretty bad here too, you know.” My eyes glance around the shop, to the single customer standing near the window, to the handful of shelves that need to be stocked. “I'd hate to be in your position, I don't know how you manage it.” I joke back.
“It's not easy” she chuckles “But you know me, I'm a survivor.” I look back at her and see that she's biting her lip and averting her gaze away from me towards the floor. She's squirming as if she's about to say something embarrassing. “Have you ever...” is as far as April gets with her seemingly awkward question before she notices the puzzled expression on my face. For a moment there's silence while she is trying to decipher my facial expression, which is actually me trying to discover why my pocket is vibrating. I put down the carrier bag containing my latest purchase and cautiously reach in to my trouser pocket. My hand grasps the familiar plastic casing of my mobile phone. Strange, I never have my phone on vibrate, It must be playing up. The office must be trying to get hold of me, am I'm running late again? At this point my train of thought hits a buckle in the track.
Pulling the phone out of my pocket with the right hand, I simultaneously lift my left hand to look at my watch, this causes me to drop the briefcase I've been carrying. Instinctively I try to catch the falling briefcase by flailing both of my arms towards it, the phone slips from my right hand and flies across the length of the shop. The briefcase continues to plummet downwards, springs open on impact and launches its contents across the floor of the shop. The blood flows rapidly from all non-essential organs to my face.
I drop to my knees and scramble about on the floor shovelling everything back into my case. Once the mass of papers are secured I move towards my phone which is lying quietly near the door. I stumble as I try to stand and walk at the same time. When I'm close enough I bend over and pick up the phone and with another step reach the front door of the shop and pull it open. Avoiding eye contact with anyone (most importantly April) I turn around and tell April it was probably the office wanting to know where I was and that I should really be going now. Well that's how I wanted it to sound but through the light-headedness and overwhelming humiliation I'm certain it came out as a mess of half started sentences and incoherent noises.
Now I'm outside, walking at a fast pace in the direction of the office. There couldn't be enough distance between me and the shop even if I catapulted myself over the horizon. I look at my phone but don't even register what I'm reading and put it back into my pocket. I sigh loudly because I've just realised I've left my bag in the shop. It would take a gun to my head to make me go back and get it. In the absence of a gun-wielding maniac I continue to the office.

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Mosura

2008-08-18T01:57:47+02:00

Finished watching the Rebirth of Mothra trilogy today. Was alot of fun to watch if you can ignore the childish tone of the film ( yes I know it sounds dumb, but these films are more child friendly than other Toho films), the fact that every enemy Mothra combats is a dragon of some sort despite a large and varied cast of characters within the Toho universe and that the special effects range from nice and subtle to 'What can our software do now' scenarios. Mothra also seems to make up a special power when ever she feels its necessary and randomly changing her form at times for no obvious reason.

Despite the above points the trilogy is easier to watch that some of the Godzilla showa era films and are genuinely entertaining. Lets hope Toho decide to deliver more Mothra films in the near future.

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Atmosfear

2008-08-17T01:21:12+02:00

Atmosfear was a great game. Not many games are fun any more, everythings becoming too serious.The Atmosfear PC game is very elusive, shame because I bet its fun and would save me the trouble of finding a VCR when ever I want to play it.

Guess I'm going to have to go through the whole tedious ordial of bidding on ebay, clinging to my PC for the next 17 and a half hours before someone finally crushes my falsely placed hopes with a ridiculously overpriced bid.

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oops

2008-08-15T01:43:15+02:00

Hmm I seem to accidently have made a blog, how hypocritical of me after all the moaning I do about them.

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